Had a good day with The Storyteller yesterday, and shared a couple wonderful moments with her.
There really is no telling where this is going or if it is going, but one thing is certain… I am scared silly. Yup. Scared: of things not going anywhere, of things going somewhere, of getting hurt, of being apathetic, of doing something stupid (oh, that will happen, guaranteed), of being over-eager, of not being eager enough, of wanting too much, of not desiring enough, of being myself, of trying to be someone I am not, of making the same old mistakes, of dreaming up brand new mistakes, of becoming complacent, of feeling unsatisfied with what I have. Uncertainty, lack of control, a state of being in which I am least comfortable.
So, basically, I am experiencing the fear of the unknown that everyone experiences at this point. I think. Just need to lean back and let the flow go… not exactly a strong suit, but my strength of will has never been my… um… strength?
One nice moment I am willing to share – we enjoyed a bonfire and on our way to the car, she sidled up to me and wrapped her arm in mine. That’s the moment that means the most, actually. But then, I have always been an incurable romantic.
Once again into the abyss!