Disaster-ish

It feels as though I have damaged any hopes with Ooma.  Knowing the magnanimity of her heart, maybe I haven’t, but it’s hard not to feel abysmally stupid when your selfish nature overrides your sense of reasonableness.  It is so easy to want to spend every moment thinking about her, and wanting to feel the enjoyment of being around her at every chance.  But that’s not terribly healthy, is it?  It’s true, my moods are far too intertwined with her.  And, the impulsive that I am, I long for that feeling as if it were an IV drip.  But the reason a good feeling is so amazing is that it is a treat when it occurs.  I think I have pushed things beyond certain boundaries.  And I feel terrible today.

Some days I truly wonder how anyone puts up with me.  I wish I could say I have the best interest of others in mind, but many times, those interests only benefit if they intersect with my own.  On the whole, I am a terribly selfish person.  And that is a sad thing to admit. 

I’m tired.  It has been an emotional week.  And now I’m all vulnerable and a puddle of goo.  Oh joy.

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