Yin and Yang

It’s appropriate that snow is coating the ground.

I told a little white lie to Ooma.  In the midst of a week that began with me sliding into the ditch in my car, my mood went quickly downhill.  I saw Ooma yesterday and was none too pleasant.  It is important to note that she had not done anything to upset me.  However, she is one of the few people who gets to see me without a mask.  I cannot hide my emotions from her.  That is good, in that it emphasizes honesty, but it is a curse because there is no buffer.  I told her that I was just in a bad mood and it had nothing to do with her, but it did have to do with her.  What I should have said was that she did nothing to upset me, as that is the truth.

Is it actually possible to become addicted to someone?  To crave being just with that person so much that you actually have withdrawal symptoms when you aren’t?  I know, over the top, right?  Completely unhealthy and/or tragically messed up.  The last few weeks I have been blessed to be around Ooma ALOT!  It has been great.  You would think I would tire of being around her, or at least be ready for some time apart just as a change of pace.  Well, no.  Even after all this time spent together, I still craved more.  Pretty selfish, huh?

One thing I tend to do when I want to force myself to not be around someone is focus on anything negative about them.  There is not much to choose from with Ooma, but my twisted sense of negative reinforcement found a way to exert itself.   It’s a ridiculous means of aversion therapy and it always results in bad karma at the very least.  So, I was curt and not very amenable to her precisely because I decided I wanted to be that way.  And it made me feel like shit.  So much so, that I called and apologized to her,  which she acknowledged with her typical understanding and grace.  How can I not love this person?

Obviously, I am overstating (and over-analyzing) the situation, but it does concern me that my mood does hinge on her at the moment.  I should just enjoy the ride and relax and have fun.  When we get a chance to be together, make the most of it.  When we are apart, do things to keep busy and pursue my own interests (I still have those, right?).  It was just a bad mood week that was complicated by one part of my impulsive/compulsive nature… to grab onto what makes me happy and hold on for dear life.  Gotta work on letting go once in a while.  Being a friend is a struggle sometimes, when you are still battling those “other” feelings.

On a positive note, I am in a better mood today.  And I do love this time of year.


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