I am a wee bit obsessive. The odd thing is that I obsess about things over which I have absolutely no control. And then I am impulsive with an almost child-like abandon. I want what I want and I want it right now. Not a very healthy combination of characteristics to say the least. Leads to plenty of “unrequited-ness”.
Currently, I cannot stop thinking about her. (Oh look, he’s blogging about her again. Surprise, surprise.) I guess that is common, but it has actually made me slightly miserable. You see, there is no way for me to know what she is thinking other than outright asking, and there has been no opportunity for that kind of talk. Heck, there hasn’t even been time for anything even resembling a “date”, so this cart is probably WAY too ahead of the horse at this point. I am caught between wanting to think about her all the time, and being tortured by the possibility that what I would like to happen, may not.
Even with these inner struggles and meandering internal monologues, this all feels worthwhile.
So, with a lack of knowledge comes vivid imagination. “What if…” “Maybe…” and “I wonder…” are mantras that I really should abandon. But I have always been a dreamer, wishing for the best while doing little to make the best happen here and now. A paradigm shift is in order. I need to think of the wonderful little things every day about her that make me smile, then smile, and move on. But instead, I get bogged down over-analyzing and then wishing and hoping and… bleargh.
You know, I really enjoy being deeply in like with her, but it also is completely tortuous.