Journey to Wellville

For someone embarking on a new chapter in his life, I sure do continue to make the same old mistakes.  I am not quite sure how someone this laid back can become completely unwound in certain situations.

I may be more a control freak than I ever suspected, at least when it comes to any emotional issues.  Instead of just going with the flow, as I tend to do with just about everything else in my life, my emotions get all jacked up by my own design.  Instead of simply reacting as things occur, I try and frame everything so that I can feel what I want to feel.  It may just be that I am so worried about feeling pain that I decide to pre-empt it and feel pain on my own terms.

Is it any wonder my past is littered with embarrassment?  I go too far, become too attached, throw myself onto emotional roller coasters… wait.  Maybe that’s it.  I’m an emotional adrenaline junkie! Do I really crave the ups and downs?  God God, I hope not.  It’s far too easy to screw up something good that way.  And this… is something good.

What do I do now?  Or do I do anything?  Maybe I need to lose this baggage as well.  Just leave my emotional control issues sitting on the platform and walk away.  This is definitely going to be a major challenge.  It’s a big world outside my own head.

Ah, if I can change my eating habits and exercise habits, then I can do this.  It’s going to take work and commitment, but I want this.  In the worst way.


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