Someone very close to me encouraged me to move forward in a positive way. And she’s right on the money. My habit is to constantly beat myself up over past mistakes. I tell myself that is necessary so that I never forget. But the truth is, I will never forget. Mistakes are as much a part of each of us as successes.
Guilt is a terribly oppressive emotion. In reasonable doses, it keeps us from taking things for granted and teaches us when we make mistakes. But, when it begins to overpower who we have become… well, time to dump that load and carry on.
I have a caretaker personality, so I tend to take on loads, whether it’s necessary or not. With the loads of others, it’s easy to lift them and leave them as needed. But, when it comes to your own, it’s difficult. Never underestimate the weight of your past.
To be completely honest, this is easier to do now that I have faith again. My faith is still weak, admittedly, but sometimes we need someone else to take on our cares and guilt. I know God is not just a repository for things we don’t want. God is there to listen, but also to act, whether it is through others or ourselves. Lately, God has answered some desperate prayers of mine. My atheist and agnostic friends may scoff at that, and ascribe those occurrences to happenstance or randomness. They might be right. But I am an emotional being and trust what I feel in this case. And right now, someone is taking care of things and it’s not me.
So, now I am re-orienting myself. Coming to terms and moving on. It’s not an overnight process, but it was truly an “a-ha” moment when a very wise person told me to drop my baggage or risk losing my future.