I do not loathe myself. But often I become furious at myself for the stupid mistakes that seem to reappear over and over. It is very possible I have caused something to end before it has even begun. It turns out that I am a clumsy fool – surprise, surprise. Patience? What’s that? For the majority of my adult life, if I could have just stepped back for a moment and let things happen, I’d be much happier. But something inside me always urges a bull rush forward into the unknown. And I always answer the call. Control freak.
Having a finger on the self-destruct button is no way to live life.
How do other men do it? How do they remain aloof, or at the very least give the illusion that they are aloof when they are interested in someone? As for me, when I finally connect with someone who moves me on a deep level, I cannot help but want to spend all the time I can thinking about that person or being around that person. Is that obsession? Or is it merely a lack of self-control? No one wants to be smothered… so maybe it is a lack of empathy or perspective.
All I know is that my heart obviously is in charge.