Musical Theater and the Powers of Attraction

Attended a musical today in the little river town I call home because a friend of mine had a role.  It was… ok.  My friend always makes me smile when he is onstage. There were a couple of funny performances, but the director is unimaginative and the talent, though very game, didn’t quite pull together.  Truthfully, I am a pretty harsh judge of amateur theater because I do so enjoy being a part of it when it’s good.  Anyway, amateur criticism aside, the musical included some folks from my past who, shall we say, have a less than favorable attitude toward me, as they are friends of my ex-fiancee.  I do not hold that against them in the least, as their opinion is absolutely warranted.  And, at this point, the only things I hold against my ex are some very petty issues.  She’s a good person.  There was far less discomfort than I expected.  But as always, there were memory triggers and I found myself choking up a few times during the show.

There was another connection this weekend with my memories.  Completely by happenstance, I assisted a friend in babysitting a 1-1/2 year old little boy.  The kid was cute as can be and was in the mimicking stage, so he was adept at repeating words and phrases that he heard.  It was hysterical.  And we played with trains.  And read a book.  And played a piano.  And I kept thinking about the little guy who once called me daddy.  And it made me a little sad.  But the factor that softened this flood of emotion was that this took place in the company of a wonderful, beautiful person.

Now this wonderful, beautiful person is exactly who I would have dreamed up for this point in my life… that may sound over the top, but bear with me.  She makes me want to improve myself.  Not to please her (well, a little), but because that is just the effect she has on me.  She is a whirlwind of activity, and anyone who knows me understands that my level of activity is… not whirlwind-like.  At all.  And that’s being kind.  So, she motivates me without prodding me.  I suppose that would be inspiration, huh?  She has a challenging job for which she is technically on call 24/7, and it involves caring for others.  That’s cool.  Actually, that is awesome in the purest sense of the word.

She’s musical.  Oh man, is she musical.  And really, is there anything that I find as attractive as that?  Oh yeah, I do.  She has a great sense of humor, an easy smile and an addictive laugh.  Starting to sound like the total package, huh?  Well, there’s more.  She is very close to her family, as I am to mine.  She is active in her faith and that is something I find that I value now more than before, because I realize that it is an important part of my history and an important part of my current journey.  It’s a part of who I am and being able to share that with someone is a fundamental connection.

She is also attractive.  That is all I will say about that.

Not all is perfection, of course.  We have quite different tastes in movies and literature, but not so that it’s annoying.  She loves the outdoors, and I do as well, but her love definitely exceeds mine by a quantum leap.  Still, that’s also an alluring characteristic, as I am drawn to the passions of others.  The current situation in her life is complex.  Even an amicable split has its fallout.  It’s a small town and news and rumors travel near light speed.  So, I know that should anything happen between us (this pleasantness is still in the early stages), it would be scrutinized and judged, and there are those who she has known her whole life who may not hold a favorable view.  As far as I know, she does not read this blog, so, at some point, I expect I will have to reveal some truths about myself face-to-face.  That should prove terrifying.   But these are all concerns that will wait for their proper time.

For now, it is the typical emotional dance we all do with those to whom we are attracted.  I’m desperately trying not to crush her toes with my enormous clown shoes.  We shall see.

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