End of July

It has been a long interesting week.  I have spent part of it tending to the removal of weeds from a rock wall.  It felt good to touch the dirt, to feel it cake my arms.  The smells of grass and clover and weeds all mingle to create a purely summer smell.  And, for one so hesitant to bask in the heat of summer, I poured sweat more this week than in a long time.  And it felt good.  Left to my own devices, chances are slim that I would have ventured out and been productive.  But, having a responsibility this week to care for someone else’s garden is a great motivation.

Life without cable television is quite good, actually.  Anything I have a firm desire to see I can usually find on the internet.  Have spent more time with music, which is always a good option.  The owner of the small company for which I work lent me his copy of the biography of John Adams by David McCullough.  Excellent read.  And movies… catching up on movies: Red (funny – especially John Malkovich), The Town (Outstanding), True Grit (the Coen Brothers’ version, which I already like better than the John Wayne film) and, today, 13 Assassins, which was excellent in a way only a fan of movies about samurai could truly understand.

My ex-fiancee and her son are still on my mind.  This week they seemed to be there a little more often.  There is still guilt there, but it is not as acute.  Sometimes they appear vividly in a dream, or a familiar song, or a smell, or a memory just floats to the surface for no reason.  I hope they are doing well.

Yesterday, my dear friend and her sister were in town on a fundraising bike tour – raising money for MS research.  It is always a treat seeing her.  It meant an early morning getting them back to the start point for today’s leg of the ride, but was totally worth it.  I don’t know how they ride 50+ miles per day for a week.  But they do!  And for a good cause, as well.

Oh, and the rain.  Apparently 5 inches of the stuff came down in a monsoon-like deluge yesterday.  Believe me, I was out in it briefly and I think the collar of my shirt is still damp.  My heart went out to the MS Tram riders who were camping out at Lake Park!

It’s also intriguing how often my mind wanders to thoughts of her.  Yes, she returns tomorrow after a week away.  Not many moments went by without a thought of her.  Is that ridiculous or pathetic? I’m sure she thought little of me while enjoying a break from her busy life.  Everything is moving very slowly (sometimes painfully slowly, especially for someone as impatient as I) but there is something new and interesting about that approach.  Once upon a time, this part went by in a blur, and we all know how that  turned out.  Maybe I need the slower pace to grow and develop… to come out of this cave and cage which I fashioned and find a way to be a man.  But my heart does ache sometimes.  Incorrigible romantic.

Tomorrow…

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