My sister posed an interesting question to me this weekend. “Don’t you worry that the people you write about will read your blog?” My initial reaction was that most of the people who I discuss don’t even know I have a blog. My family does, my friends on FB do, and some of those friends do have connections to people I have written about on here. So, there is a small level of semi-anonymity in this. Additionally, I try not to use names, because, there are some things that should remain somewhat private.
But, the truth is, if those people were to find this, what they would find are my honest thoughts. I am not ashamed of anything on here. There certainly are things on here that would make people feel uncomfortable or awkward, but I am not lying on here or being malicious or vindictive. It is important that those things are not part of this. It is, of course, MUCH easier to write about these things in this blog than it would ever be to address these issues face-to-face with someone. None of the awkwardness or tongue-tying is present and I can just pour forth. That’s a welcome characteristic of blogging – I can be very open here. For lack of another term, this is basically an open journal rather than a private one.
If no one read this, it would still be a positive exercise for me. There is definitely a good feeling when people do check this place out. Must be my love of being on stage that feeds that. There is obviously an aspect of performance in being public about one’s self. And maybe, just maybe there is someone working their way through life facing similar experiences. Hopefully, my mistakes and successes can offer some inspiration or act as a warning.
Once in a while, I wish the people who inspire me DID read my blog. It might save a lot of confusion and casting about. Then again, I might censor myself even more if they were reading. Sometimes, the people I discuss are reading but may not realize they have inspired me or affected me. So, maybe there is an exhilaration in it. Exhibitionism through writing…
Seems that my answer is much more complicated than I expected.
Expression is a necessity in my life. It keeps me from pulling the heads off daisies and prevents me flipping off other drivers. (Ok, so I occasionally still do that…)