Something Like Forward

Saturday was her birthday.  I spent it among friends, happily, but not by design.

Sunday was the first time I set foot in the theater since the incident that turned my life topsy-turvy.  Theaters really do tend to hold on to spirits and memories – good and bad.  Not too fond of how conflicted my emotions were as I was sitting there.  I think it was an odd coincidence that the weather was full of conflict as well.  Tornadoes all around.  It was completely worth it to watch my niece dance.

Someone close to me said, “I am so sad, because I will never get to see you on stage again”  It was not said in order to hurt me, but it did sting to hear that, because it’s probably true.

Being alone does hold a certain comfortableness for me, a certain freedom.  At least today.

It has been over a year now since my life changed.  I still don’t know what direction I am moving in, except it feels something like forward.  If I could only free the part of me that seems mired in the past, I could really move on.  Barring that, I will keep dragging it along like some hobo sack full of memory.

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